I'll keep this short, just have to get it out somewhere and I feel like I can't talk to anyone.. I've had enough problems, people are sick of even knowing about them at this point I'm sure.
New girl, different from the last blog. And no, we never slept together..
So I began dating a new girl about a week ago. First night we end up in bed.. and I stopped myself and told her no.. I couldn't do it.. she got so angry.. asked me why. I told her it was too fast and I want to respect her and myself.. more conversation came after that, but it doesn't matter what was said.
Two more times this week she tried and I said no.. I wanted to, I really did.. I just couldn't do it.. it wasn't right. I wanted to show her a respect that I don't think she's used to.. I wanted to respect myself for once.. and to try to follow His plan for me.. for once.. I wanted to sooo bad, I just couldn't.
Today she sent me a text and told me she can't date me anymore, that I've denied her three times, and that I'm a waste of her time.
Talk about pain.. this fucking hurts. Bad. I'd rather be inside of her, and feel loved and sinful, than feel this empty and rejected right now. This hurts.. bad.
I wonder what it would be like to not be attractive at all.. I sometimes wish I wasn't.. maybe I could find someone who likes me for me then.. but then again, maybe I'd never find anyone and always be alone. I don't know.. I'm so confused.
I could literally cry myself to sleep right now. Have to grab coffee with a friend though and then meet a friend with whom I'm going to small group tonight.. time to pull it together, put my smile back on, pull my head up, and be mr confident again.
Talk about broken.. wow... I think I'm going to call her and tell her I'll sleep with her if she'll give me another chance.
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