I have nothing exciting to say on this post, but rather am here to throw a pity party for myself and ask for prayer at the same time.
I either have pulled or have slightly torn my quadricp this morning while doing sprints about about 5:50am. I'm thirty two and think I'm 21 still... apparently. I worked my legs very hard yesterday, and decided that doing sprints before 6am would be a good way to start my day. I didn't warm up, didn't stretch, should have not done this twelve hours after working my legs, and should have taken my age into consideration as I am 32 now. I still feel like I'm 21, but my quad is telling me different today.
I would have continued with the tear if I had been able to as my trainee is 24 and he was fine, but then again he didn't work legs with me yesterday. What a blow it was to my ego to watch him continue with the sprints as I sat on the curb and pushed him on, acting as if my pride did not take a hook punch with Mike Tyson strength.
Next time I will not do this after leg day, nor will I do it before six am.. I will also warm up and I will not only do my sprints with this 24 year old, but I will beat him badly.
Yes, I am too competitive... way too competitive. At least I'm honest..
Please pray for healing in my quad. I've got one week to be ready. :-) It's just not going to look good if I'm still down a week from now..
Saturday, May 30, 2009
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern,
I'll begin with saying that yes, I may be pointing a finger as I write this - but I'm not judging, only making my best attempt at correcting you by bringing up your awareness in hopes that you might walk on the narrow path which I am trying to follow, rather than seeing you with only one foot on it. As I point my finger at you, with love, I realize that there are three fingers pointing back at me. I hope to bring my awareness regarding my own walk as I write this, as I still have a much progress to make and will never "arrive," but will rather be intentional about making this journey rather than becoming complacent. (rev 3:16)
You love God. This I will not debate. I believe you have good intentions, and I believe that you believe in Him - though I write this to spark a though process which would cause you to evaluate if you love Him in --actions-- as well as if you know that He loves you.
Forgive me if I skip around a bit in this letter to you, I have much on my mind and am having a hard time articulating my words or order of my thoughts properly this morning.
Romans 2:13 says "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."
We are all judgemental, especially myself, though I improve in this every day with God's help. I hope others, besides you, feel this letter is for them, so I will not be specific about a situation but I will say that I find you to be judgemental. You are so forgiving and non-judgemental when it comes to family, especially myself, and I thank God for that - though I must point out how judgemental you appear to be regarding the people whom you are not close to.
I began to look up scripture on judgement, but I feel that is not needed. You can find it, and plenty of it. The word of God is not new to you, but regretfully I believe you have been taught either by pastors or television evangelists whom have perverted the word that judgement is love or that it is our place to judge. I anticipate that you are already thinking of the fact that we will even judge the angels, but in regards to that verse AND the surrounding verses, that is NOT today or while in our physical bodies. We have no right to judge people, that's God's job.. but how dare we judge in light of the fact that we're not even following His GREATEST commandment! Judging someone for their language, sexual preference or action upon that, greed, gluttony.. whatever it may be... that's a prime of example of us trying to remove the speck from someones eyes when we have a PLANK (not following God's GREATEST command in FULL) in our own.
Going back to Romans 2:13 - it says that those who obey the law whom will be declared righteous. I commend your honest pursuit for Christ. I am thankful that you have forgiven me and still love me as we have come through some rough years. I am grateful for your help, and grateful that you shared Christ with me the best way you could a long time ago. Today is a new day though, I encourage you to pay attention to God's command to love, because to be quite honest I feel you're really missing out on the life God has for you - and it breaks my heart.
God commands us to love one another, and this extends way beyond the doors of our homes, extends past our family, and past our co-workers. I know you don't believe that is enough, as you've stated it to me recently. This life is short, you know this as well as I do. I know you have a life, a home, a job, and bills. These things you will always have, God willing. It's time to get out and love people. It's time to show --unconditional-- love to people who don't know Christ. Did Jesus show judgement towards the non-believers? If I remember correctly, He asked God to forgive the very ones whom beat and killed Him.
It's time to pull your sleeves up and get your elbows dirty. God has commanded us to love, and I never found ANY true happiness in my life until I was able to do this. As you know, I have been blessed by a community whom has loved and embraced me through the worst of times - and now I know how to love, and to love in my actions. I am truly grateful for my life, for what Jesus did for me on the cross, for my salvation and many other things -- so I show it. I show it by pursuing not only God, but people.. I show it by pursing the lost. I run after them, every day. I love on them. How could I not? If I truly, truly know God's love.. how would it be possible for me to not share it?
I don't know what serving God looks like for you, but I know you won't find true happiness until you do. I want you to be happy - I love you. Maybe it's putting stamps on envelopes for a nearby church community that pursues people, maybe it's answering a phone for them on an off day. Maybe it's mowing a neighbors lawn whom may even be perfectly capable, or bringing a neighbor you don't like some cookies. Maybe it's joining a womens small group or community group which focuses on some of the same struggles that you face so that you may share and build up others as you are built up (proverbs 27:17). Maybe serving for you consists of handing out water bottles or cans of coke on the Saturday outreach your local church does, telling people that "I'm just doing this to show you God's love in a practical way." Maybe it's paying for the car behind you at McDonalds and asking the cashier to give them a note on which you've written "Jesus loves you!" Maybe it looks like becoming a "big sister" so that you can spend some time with and build into a little girl who doesn't have much of a family, a little girl who's not pulling good grades because of the drama at home and is scared to bring that report card home after what her father said he might do -- SO THAT YOU CAN LOVE HER WHEN NO ONE ELSE WILL. I don't know what serving God looks like for you, but I encourage you to be intentional, today, about finding out. Don't wait for some revelation. Don't wait for a great suggestion, a dream, or a hunch. Pick something, get out of your comfort zone, obey God. Believing isn't enough. Loving me isn't enough. Reading your word is not enough. Please, please.. don't miss out on this blessing. You have the opportunity to WORK for Jesus.. to do His work.
Are you excited about working for your company, for your boss? You sure seem excited when I am blessed with a good job or good opportunity, and that makes me feel good.. but really.. think about it, really think about it.. the man.. God.. in human flesh.. who came down over 2,000 years ago, and died for our sins.. yeah that guy. The one who arose from the dead... are you grasping the reality of Him beyond the ink on the pages? He's real. He wants your help, and actually He commands it if you are seeking Him. Why, or how, could you possibly keep saying no? What will it take? Does He need to come down and speak to you directly? How can you possibly go another day without devoting yourself to building into the very Kingdom that offers you eternal life with Him?
It's time to get out, and get out, and do something. Not out of fear, but out of obedience and with a cheerful heart. I want this for you. I want you to experience what I'm experiencing. I want you to live the life He's given us to the fullest. We are not to sit around watching the clock and wait for heaven.. God created this - stop taking it for granted.
I love you. Don't be mad. God has been pushing me to write this.
- J
I'll begin with saying that yes, I may be pointing a finger as I write this - but I'm not judging, only making my best attempt at correcting you by bringing up your awareness in hopes that you might walk on the narrow path which I am trying to follow, rather than seeing you with only one foot on it. As I point my finger at you, with love, I realize that there are three fingers pointing back at me. I hope to bring my awareness regarding my own walk as I write this, as I still have a much progress to make and will never "arrive," but will rather be intentional about making this journey rather than becoming complacent. (rev 3:16)
You love God. This I will not debate. I believe you have good intentions, and I believe that you believe in Him - though I write this to spark a though process which would cause you to evaluate if you love Him in --actions-- as well as if you know that He loves you.
Forgive me if I skip around a bit in this letter to you, I have much on my mind and am having a hard time articulating my words or order of my thoughts properly this morning.
Romans 2:13 says "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."
We are all judgemental, especially myself, though I improve in this every day with God's help. I hope others, besides you, feel this letter is for them, so I will not be specific about a situation but I will say that I find you to be judgemental. You are so forgiving and non-judgemental when it comes to family, especially myself, and I thank God for that - though I must point out how judgemental you appear to be regarding the people whom you are not close to.
I began to look up scripture on judgement, but I feel that is not needed. You can find it, and plenty of it. The word of God is not new to you, but regretfully I believe you have been taught either by pastors or television evangelists whom have perverted the word that judgement is love or that it is our place to judge. I anticipate that you are already thinking of the fact that we will even judge the angels, but in regards to that verse AND the surrounding verses, that is NOT today or while in our physical bodies. We have no right to judge people, that's God's job.. but how dare we judge in light of the fact that we're not even following His GREATEST commandment! Judging someone for their language, sexual preference or action upon that, greed, gluttony.. whatever it may be... that's a prime of example of us trying to remove the speck from someones eyes when we have a PLANK (not following God's GREATEST command in FULL) in our own.
Going back to Romans 2:13 - it says that those who obey the law whom will be declared righteous. I commend your honest pursuit for Christ. I am thankful that you have forgiven me and still love me as we have come through some rough years. I am grateful for your help, and grateful that you shared Christ with me the best way you could a long time ago. Today is a new day though, I encourage you to pay attention to God's command to love, because to be quite honest I feel you're really missing out on the life God has for you - and it breaks my heart.
God commands us to love one another, and this extends way beyond the doors of our homes, extends past our family, and past our co-workers. I know you don't believe that is enough, as you've stated it to me recently. This life is short, you know this as well as I do. I know you have a life, a home, a job, and bills. These things you will always have, God willing. It's time to get out and love people. It's time to show --unconditional-- love to people who don't know Christ. Did Jesus show judgement towards the non-believers? If I remember correctly, He asked God to forgive the very ones whom beat and killed Him.
It's time to pull your sleeves up and get your elbows dirty. God has commanded us to love, and I never found ANY true happiness in my life until I was able to do this. As you know, I have been blessed by a community whom has loved and embraced me through the worst of times - and now I know how to love, and to love in my actions. I am truly grateful for my life, for what Jesus did for me on the cross, for my salvation and many other things -- so I show it. I show it by pursuing not only God, but people.. I show it by pursing the lost. I run after them, every day. I love on them. How could I not? If I truly, truly know God's love.. how would it be possible for me to not share it?
I don't know what serving God looks like for you, but I know you won't find true happiness until you do. I want you to be happy - I love you. Maybe it's putting stamps on envelopes for a nearby church community that pursues people, maybe it's answering a phone for them on an off day. Maybe it's mowing a neighbors lawn whom may even be perfectly capable, or bringing a neighbor you don't like some cookies. Maybe it's joining a womens small group or community group which focuses on some of the same struggles that you face so that you may share and build up others as you are built up (proverbs 27:17). Maybe serving for you consists of handing out water bottles or cans of coke on the Saturday outreach your local church does, telling people that "I'm just doing this to show you God's love in a practical way." Maybe it's paying for the car behind you at McDonalds and asking the cashier to give them a note on which you've written "Jesus loves you!" Maybe it looks like becoming a "big sister" so that you can spend some time with and build into a little girl who doesn't have much of a family, a little girl who's not pulling good grades because of the drama at home and is scared to bring that report card home after what her father said he might do -- SO THAT YOU CAN LOVE HER WHEN NO ONE ELSE WILL. I don't know what serving God looks like for you, but I encourage you to be intentional, today, about finding out. Don't wait for some revelation. Don't wait for a great suggestion, a dream, or a hunch. Pick something, get out of your comfort zone, obey God. Believing isn't enough. Loving me isn't enough. Reading your word is not enough. Please, please.. don't miss out on this blessing. You have the opportunity to WORK for Jesus.. to do His work.
Are you excited about working for your company, for your boss? You sure seem excited when I am blessed with a good job or good opportunity, and that makes me feel good.. but really.. think about it, really think about it.. the man.. God.. in human flesh.. who came down over 2,000 years ago, and died for our sins.. yeah that guy. The one who arose from the dead... are you grasping the reality of Him beyond the ink on the pages? He's real. He wants your help, and actually He commands it if you are seeking Him. Why, or how, could you possibly keep saying no? What will it take? Does He need to come down and speak to you directly? How can you possibly go another day without devoting yourself to building into the very Kingdom that offers you eternal life with Him?
It's time to get out, and get out, and do something. Not out of fear, but out of obedience and with a cheerful heart. I want this for you. I want you to experience what I'm experiencing. I want you to live the life He's given us to the fullest. We are not to sit around watching the clock and wait for heaven.. God created this - stop taking it for granted.
I love you. Don't be mad. God has been pushing me to write this.
- J
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Nothing important...
I don't really have anything specific or important to write about today, so I will just put a few thoughts down or whatever comes to me so maybe I can read this on a bad day to remind me that life is really good!
This week has been good thus far, and I anticipate it will stay as such! Let me begin with this previous Sunday... roughly 8-9 people came with me to Crossroads, most of which have never been there before, and the ones whom had were only there for their second week. What's even more amazing, a couple of them do or did not even believe in God walking in the door. No, they didn't necessarily walk out professing to believe, but they did clearly let me know that they really liked it, it was not what they expected, and they want to come back this week. That's exciting to me.. more exciting than anything.
I attended a fantastic meeting on Tuesday evening and gratitude was the topic of discussion. I know that I posted a gratitude list recently, but I still feel compelled to post some of the things that I shared and what my ideas are on gratitude at this point in time.
In no particular order..
and yes, it's ok to laugh a little bit!
Ok I'm extremely grateful that my hair is thinning out more and more each year.. this means that I don't have to spend so much money on those expensive fusion razor blades I buy... any time I have the opportunity to save some loot I'm a happy camper!
I'm grateful for sushi.. yep. Love it..
I'm grateful for CROCS.. yes, I discovered them recently, and I have a hard time wearing anything else anymore. Most comfortable shoes in the world, yup... totally grateful for them.
I'm grateful that I'm 32 years old and I still feel like and am in the shape of a 18 year old. I don't feel like I'm going backwards now that I'm in my thirties, I feel like I'm actually still getting myself even more fit each year.
I'm grateful I don't have back problems when I squat anymore... for years, my back was seizing up on me when I did squats which was a real bummer since that's my favorite exercise. Thank God for taking care of that one. :-)
I'm grateful I can sleep without meds or drugs now. Weather it be a beer, a joint, an ambien, a valium, nyquill, ghb, xanax, something.. I always needed something to sleep, for years.. about 16 years to be exact. I sleep like a baby, every single night now... very grateful for that.
I'm grateful for the coffee at Crossroads.. let me rephrase that.. I"m grateful for the FREE coffee at Crossroads.. lol. Good stuff.
While I'm talking about coffee, I'm grateful for the Starbucks Doubleshot Venti that I drink at Starbucks.. most awesome drink ever. Love it.
I'm grateful for good friends. I truly am. I've made some of the best friends in the past year, and they're like family to me. I don't know where I would be without them and it is through them and their love for me that I get a little glimpse of God.
I'm grateful that I'm alive! Oh gosh, I could go on and on about this one.. all the times I used crazy amounts of drugs.. amounts which would kill a horse.. and lived. All the times that I was held at gunpoint (obviously doing things I shouldnt have been doing) and I was never shot. The 140mph police chase... well we won't go into that one, but I made it away, and didn't wreck. I made so many bad choices during my active addiction that should have led me to my grave, but God surely had his hand on me and I'm still here today! I'm so grateful for my life.
I'm grateful for the ability God has given me to retain His word... I've never been able to retain much of anything, but that's not the case when it comes to scripture... that's definitely a miracle for me.
No, MOST of these things seem like no big deal, but they are... it wasn't long ago that I couldn't appreciate the little things in life, but now I am able to.. or at least I'm getting there. I remember writing my first gratitude list quite some time back and I now see that I limited it to what I thought were really big things..
take time to enjoy the little things in life.. hopefully they can make you smile like they do me.
peace out.
This week has been good thus far, and I anticipate it will stay as such! Let me begin with this previous Sunday... roughly 8-9 people came with me to Crossroads, most of which have never been there before, and the ones whom had were only there for their second week. What's even more amazing, a couple of them do or did not even believe in God walking in the door. No, they didn't necessarily walk out professing to believe, but they did clearly let me know that they really liked it, it was not what they expected, and they want to come back this week. That's exciting to me.. more exciting than anything.
I attended a fantastic meeting on Tuesday evening and gratitude was the topic of discussion. I know that I posted a gratitude list recently, but I still feel compelled to post some of the things that I shared and what my ideas are on gratitude at this point in time.
In no particular order..
and yes, it's ok to laugh a little bit!
Ok I'm extremely grateful that my hair is thinning out more and more each year.. this means that I don't have to spend so much money on those expensive fusion razor blades I buy... any time I have the opportunity to save some loot I'm a happy camper!
I'm grateful for sushi.. yep. Love it..
I'm grateful for CROCS.. yes, I discovered them recently, and I have a hard time wearing anything else anymore. Most comfortable shoes in the world, yup... totally grateful for them.
I'm grateful that I'm 32 years old and I still feel like and am in the shape of a 18 year old. I don't feel like I'm going backwards now that I'm in my thirties, I feel like I'm actually still getting myself even more fit each year.
I'm grateful I don't have back problems when I squat anymore... for years, my back was seizing up on me when I did squats which was a real bummer since that's my favorite exercise. Thank God for taking care of that one. :-)
I'm grateful I can sleep without meds or drugs now. Weather it be a beer, a joint, an ambien, a valium, nyquill, ghb, xanax, something.. I always needed something to sleep, for years.. about 16 years to be exact. I sleep like a baby, every single night now... very grateful for that.
I'm grateful for the coffee at Crossroads.. let me rephrase that.. I"m grateful for the FREE coffee at Crossroads.. lol. Good stuff.
While I'm talking about coffee, I'm grateful for the Starbucks Doubleshot Venti that I drink at Starbucks.. most awesome drink ever. Love it.
I'm grateful for good friends. I truly am. I've made some of the best friends in the past year, and they're like family to me. I don't know where I would be without them and it is through them and their love for me that I get a little glimpse of God.
I'm grateful that I'm alive! Oh gosh, I could go on and on about this one.. all the times I used crazy amounts of drugs.. amounts which would kill a horse.. and lived. All the times that I was held at gunpoint (obviously doing things I shouldnt have been doing) and I was never shot. The 140mph police chase... well we won't go into that one, but I made it away, and didn't wreck. I made so many bad choices during my active addiction that should have led me to my grave, but God surely had his hand on me and I'm still here today! I'm so grateful for my life.
I'm grateful for the ability God has given me to retain His word... I've never been able to retain much of anything, but that's not the case when it comes to scripture... that's definitely a miracle for me.
No, MOST of these things seem like no big deal, but they are... it wasn't long ago that I couldn't appreciate the little things in life, but now I am able to.. or at least I'm getting there. I remember writing my first gratitude list quite some time back and I now see that I limited it to what I thought were really big things..
take time to enjoy the little things in life.. hopefully they can make you smile like they do me.
peace out.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A bad day...
Yesterday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My life is getting better every day, and many more days than not I'm in a great mood - yesterday was different. I couldn't seem to give a genuine smile until last night.
I was completely discontent. I'm in a process now, which I guess really never ends if I make the DECISION to live for God.
I'm in a healing process, as I work through a seemingly endless struggle of coping with my early years. I still don't really know what normal is or how things should be... I'm doing my best to figure it out though, step by step.
I'm in a process of learning how to cope with stress. I turned to alcohol and drugs starting at 14yrs old because I didn't know how to cope. Normal everyday stress seems magnified to me as I deal with it for the first time completely sober.. no alcohol to numb me, no pills to decrease the anxiety... No joint to help my mind to stop racing so I can sleep. I'm learning to lean on God, and lean on the people around me, and to open up.
I'm in a process of learning how to have acceptance. I'm realizing that a huge part of the problems in my life has been a result of how I react when people don't meet my expectations... as I realize this, I realize I can't control people, places, or things -- I can only control myself and how I act. The days I am good with this new practice turn out very well.
I'm in a process of learning how to let people love me. This is a very hard one for me, and more days than not I truly still think there's a catch.. more days than not I feel like I owe someone when they do something nice for me.. it's so hard to accept love and the actions that follow it from people... I'm getting better at it though.. what's great though, is that as I'm getting better at accepting love, I'm learning how to love the people I care about.. that's the big plus.
I'm in a process of learning how to be selfless rather than selfish. I've been in self-preservation mode since day one. I've had to watch out for numero uno (me) starting way back.. it was all about me from a young age, and I guess it kind of had to be when I was younger. I took care of me, I kept me safe, I kept me moving forward... I'm just beginning to realize I can stop. Yeah, I need to take care of myself, but I have a community of people around me whom love me, I have great friends who love me, and I even have my mom back in my life who surely loves me. I don't need to be so selfish anymore... I'm not alone.. as I realize that, I put my fists down... then I can open not only my hands, but my arms.. I can get and give hugs now.. I can spend time on other people instead of myself all the time.. I'll be ok at the end of today, no matter what happens.. Now it's time for me to be of help to other people, and that's so much more rewarding.
I'm in a process of pursuing God and what He has for me in His Kingdom. This is the process that I always enjoy, though some days I admittedly get quite intimidated. Some days I feel as if Satan is whispering in my ear that I've made too many mistakes to be worthy of God's work... but I know that's not true... and what a process this is. I don't know exactly what God has for me next month or next year or ten year from now, but the picture gets more clear every day.. at least I think. What I do know is that I'm working my way towards it... and the great thing about this one is, it's not getting there that excites me, it's the process... what a beautiful process.
Yesterday, all of this seemed like too much. I felt like I had too much on my plate.. Too much to balance on my shoulders... Then I read something on the wall of a meeting I was at. This is what it said:
"remember that there has never been a day that lasted forever."
I smiled.. and laughed at myself a little bit. That was yesterday, and I woke up today, smiling as usual.
I hope you're having a good day today. If not, remember - it won't last forever. There hasn't been a day that has.
I was completely discontent. I'm in a process now, which I guess really never ends if I make the DECISION to live for God.
I'm in a healing process, as I work through a seemingly endless struggle of coping with my early years. I still don't really know what normal is or how things should be... I'm doing my best to figure it out though, step by step.
I'm in a process of learning how to cope with stress. I turned to alcohol and drugs starting at 14yrs old because I didn't know how to cope. Normal everyday stress seems magnified to me as I deal with it for the first time completely sober.. no alcohol to numb me, no pills to decrease the anxiety... No joint to help my mind to stop racing so I can sleep. I'm learning to lean on God, and lean on the people around me, and to open up.
I'm in a process of learning how to have acceptance. I'm realizing that a huge part of the problems in my life has been a result of how I react when people don't meet my expectations... as I realize this, I realize I can't control people, places, or things -- I can only control myself and how I act. The days I am good with this new practice turn out very well.
I'm in a process of learning how to let people love me. This is a very hard one for me, and more days than not I truly still think there's a catch.. more days than not I feel like I owe someone when they do something nice for me.. it's so hard to accept love and the actions that follow it from people... I'm getting better at it though.. what's great though, is that as I'm getting better at accepting love, I'm learning how to love the people I care about.. that's the big plus.
I'm in a process of learning how to be selfless rather than selfish. I've been in self-preservation mode since day one. I've had to watch out for numero uno (me) starting way back.. it was all about me from a young age, and I guess it kind of had to be when I was younger. I took care of me, I kept me safe, I kept me moving forward... I'm just beginning to realize I can stop. Yeah, I need to take care of myself, but I have a community of people around me whom love me, I have great friends who love me, and I even have my mom back in my life who surely loves me. I don't need to be so selfish anymore... I'm not alone.. as I realize that, I put my fists down... then I can open not only my hands, but my arms.. I can get and give hugs now.. I can spend time on other people instead of myself all the time.. I'll be ok at the end of today, no matter what happens.. Now it's time for me to be of help to other people, and that's so much more rewarding.
I'm in a process of pursuing God and what He has for me in His Kingdom. This is the process that I always enjoy, though some days I admittedly get quite intimidated. Some days I feel as if Satan is whispering in my ear that I've made too many mistakes to be worthy of God's work... but I know that's not true... and what a process this is. I don't know exactly what God has for me next month or next year or ten year from now, but the picture gets more clear every day.. at least I think. What I do know is that I'm working my way towards it... and the great thing about this one is, it's not getting there that excites me, it's the process... what a beautiful process.
Yesterday, all of this seemed like too much. I felt like I had too much on my plate.. Too much to balance on my shoulders... Then I read something on the wall of a meeting I was at. This is what it said:
"remember that there has never been a day that lasted forever."
I smiled.. and laughed at myself a little bit. That was yesterday, and I woke up today, smiling as usual.
I hope you're having a good day today. If not, remember - it won't last forever. There hasn't been a day that has.
He Left the Carpentry Shop
THE HEAVY DOOR CREAKED on its hinges as he pushed it open. With a few strides he crossed the silent shop and opened the wooden shutters to a square shaft of sunshine that pierced the darkness, painting a box of daylight on the dirt floor.
He looked around the carpentry shop. He stood a moment in the refuge of the little room that housed so many sweet memories. He balanced the hammer in his hand. He ran his fingers across the sharp teeth of the saw. He stroked the smoothly worn wood of the sawhorse. He had come to say good-bye.
It was time for him to leave. He had heard something that made him know it was time to go. So he came one last time to smell the sawdust and lumber.
Life was peaceful here. Life was so...safe.
He had spent countless hours of contentment. On this dirt floor he had played as a toddler while his father worked. Here Joseph had taught him how to grip a hammer. And on this workbench he had built his first chair.
I wonder what he thought as he took one last look around the room. Perhaps he stood for a moment at the workbench looking at the tiny shadows cast by the chisel and shavings. Perhaps he listened as voices from the past filled the air.
I wonder if he hesitated. I wonder if his heart was torn. I wonder if he rolled a nail between his thumb and fingers, anticipating the pain...
It must have been difficult to leave. After all, life as a carpenter wasn't bad. It wasn't bad at all. Business was good. The future was bright and his work was enjoyable....
I wonder if he wanted to stay. "I could do a good job here in Nazareth. Settle down. Raise a family. Be a civic leader."
I wonder becasue I know he had already read the last chapter. He knew that the feet that would step out of the safe shadow of the carpentry shop would not rest until they'd been pierced and placed on a Roman cross.
You see, he didn't have to go. He had a choice. He could have stayed. He could have kept his mouth shut. He could have ignored the call or at least postponed it. And had he chosen to stay, who wouldn've known? Who would have blamed him?
But his heart wouldn't let him. If there was hesitation on the part of his humanity, it was overcome by the compassion of his divinity. His divinity heard the voices. His divinity heard the hopeless cries of the poor, the bitter accusations of the abandoned, the dangling despair of those who are trying to save themselves.
And his divinity saw the faces. Some wrinkled. Some weeping. Some hidden behind veils. Some obscured by fear. Some earnest with searching. Some blank with boredom. From the face of Adam to the face of the infant born somewhere in the world as you read these words, he saw them all.
And you can be sure of one thing. Among the voices that found their way into that carpentry shop in Nazareth was your voice. Your silent prayers uttered on tear-stained pillows were heard before they were said. Your deepest questions about death and eternity...
He left because of you.
- from "His Name is Jesus" by Max Lucado
He looked around the carpentry shop. He stood a moment in the refuge of the little room that housed so many sweet memories. He balanced the hammer in his hand. He ran his fingers across the sharp teeth of the saw. He stroked the smoothly worn wood of the sawhorse. He had come to say good-bye.
It was time for him to leave. He had heard something that made him know it was time to go. So he came one last time to smell the sawdust and lumber.
Life was peaceful here. Life was so...safe.
He had spent countless hours of contentment. On this dirt floor he had played as a toddler while his father worked. Here Joseph had taught him how to grip a hammer. And on this workbench he had built his first chair.
I wonder what he thought as he took one last look around the room. Perhaps he stood for a moment at the workbench looking at the tiny shadows cast by the chisel and shavings. Perhaps he listened as voices from the past filled the air.
I wonder if he hesitated. I wonder if his heart was torn. I wonder if he rolled a nail between his thumb and fingers, anticipating the pain...
It must have been difficult to leave. After all, life as a carpenter wasn't bad. It wasn't bad at all. Business was good. The future was bright and his work was enjoyable....
I wonder if he wanted to stay. "I could do a good job here in Nazareth. Settle down. Raise a family. Be a civic leader."
I wonder becasue I know he had already read the last chapter. He knew that the feet that would step out of the safe shadow of the carpentry shop would not rest until they'd been pierced and placed on a Roman cross.
You see, he didn't have to go. He had a choice. He could have stayed. He could have kept his mouth shut. He could have ignored the call or at least postponed it. And had he chosen to stay, who wouldn've known? Who would have blamed him?
But his heart wouldn't let him. If there was hesitation on the part of his humanity, it was overcome by the compassion of his divinity. His divinity heard the voices. His divinity heard the hopeless cries of the poor, the bitter accusations of the abandoned, the dangling despair of those who are trying to save themselves.
And his divinity saw the faces. Some wrinkled. Some weeping. Some hidden behind veils. Some obscured by fear. Some earnest with searching. Some blank with boredom. From the face of Adam to the face of the infant born somewhere in the world as you read these words, he saw them all.
And you can be sure of one thing. Among the voices that found their way into that carpentry shop in Nazareth was your voice. Your silent prayers uttered on tear-stained pillows were heard before they were said. Your deepest questions about death and eternity...
He left because of you.
- from "His Name is Jesus" by Max Lucado
Completely Human, Completely Divine
ANGELS WATHCED as Mary changed God's diaper. The universe watched with wonder as the Almighty learned to walk. Children played in the street with him. And had the synagogue leader in Nazareth known who was listening to his sermons...
Jesus May have had pimples. He may have been tone-deaf. Perhaps a girl down the street had a crush on him or vice versa. It could be that his knees were bony. One thing's for sure: He was, while completely divine, completely human.
For thirty-three years he would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure. He was susceptible to wooing women. He got colds, burped, and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired. And his head ached.
To think of Jesus in such a light is--well, it seems almost irreverent, doesn't it? It's not something we like to do; it's uncomfortable. It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer....
But don't do it. For heaven's sake, don't. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out.
- from "His Name is Jesus" by Max Lucado
Jesus May have had pimples. He may have been tone-deaf. Perhaps a girl down the street had a crush on him or vice versa. It could be that his knees were bony. One thing's for sure: He was, while completely divine, completely human.
For thirty-three years he would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure. He was susceptible to wooing women. He got colds, burped, and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired. And his head ached.
To think of Jesus in such a light is--well, it seems almost irreverent, doesn't it? It's not something we like to do; it's uncomfortable. It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer....
But don't do it. For heaven's sake, don't. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out.
- from "His Name is Jesus" by Max Lucado
Saturday, May 9, 2009
a gratitude list..
A gratitude list..
I've been writing them lately. I feel it helps me, helps me be thankful. We take so many things for granted.. and we say we don't sometimes, but we do. Try it out.. at least once a week. It's ok to write some of the same things.
my list..
Dad. No, not blood dad.. Jesus is my dad.. I don't even call him Jesus or God too much anymore, at least not in my prayers.. I call him dad. Thankfully, my dad wasn't there since day one, so God has filled that spot in a big way, and I don't struggle with calling him that becuase no one has ever been that. I love my dad.
My mom. Oh gosh.. we've been through so much over the years.. I love her, and I'm just thankful that we can talk right now.
Sobriety.. I began partying when I was 14yrs old... what drugs or alcohol did I like you may be wondering.. I'll narrow it down.. I liked "anything," "everything," "more," "yours," and "free." That about sums it up, yes? I was trying to fill a God shaped void.. I let Him fill it up over and over, every day now. My desire is gone. I am aware though, if I stop letting Him fill me, it could come back.
My daughter. I love her so much.. and there's too much to say.. but.. I love her. I thank God for her.
Danielle. We may not get along or see things the same way.. but I thank God that she is taking care of Grace while I can't. I thank God for that.
Crossroads. This is my family. I love these people, more than anything in the world. God has worked through this community to help facilitate life change for me. I love each and every single person here, with all of my heart.. and I'm not just talking about the wonderful people here that I know so well now, but even the ones I don't. I don't know how to explain it.. how to explain how I can literally love each and every person I pass in here, but I do. It's amazing.. I can only do this because God has shown me this kind of love.
My health. After my history of substance abuse, I feel so blessed that I am in such good health. God has had his hand on me.
My cousin Ryan. I never thought we'd talk again, but God has His way of taking care of things like that..
My friends. Wow I have some fantastic friends, and I'm making new ones all the time.. and they're all just so great. I love them all so much.
Those are the bigger things today.. but I could go on and on with this list.. I feel better even now.. after writing it.. I have so much gratitude..
Try it now.. write out a list, but write a long one.. put everything you can find on it. I promise, it'll brighten your day.
I've been writing them lately. I feel it helps me, helps me be thankful. We take so many things for granted.. and we say we don't sometimes, but we do. Try it out.. at least once a week. It's ok to write some of the same things.
my list..
Dad. No, not blood dad.. Jesus is my dad.. I don't even call him Jesus or God too much anymore, at least not in my prayers.. I call him dad. Thankfully, my dad wasn't there since day one, so God has filled that spot in a big way, and I don't struggle with calling him that becuase no one has ever been that. I love my dad.
My mom. Oh gosh.. we've been through so much over the years.. I love her, and I'm just thankful that we can talk right now.
Sobriety.. I began partying when I was 14yrs old... what drugs or alcohol did I like you may be wondering.. I'll narrow it down.. I liked "anything," "everything," "more," "yours," and "free." That about sums it up, yes? I was trying to fill a God shaped void.. I let Him fill it up over and over, every day now. My desire is gone. I am aware though, if I stop letting Him fill me, it could come back.
My daughter. I love her so much.. and there's too much to say.. but.. I love her. I thank God for her.
Danielle. We may not get along or see things the same way.. but I thank God that she is taking care of Grace while I can't. I thank God for that.
Crossroads. This is my family. I love these people, more than anything in the world. God has worked through this community to help facilitate life change for me. I love each and every single person here, with all of my heart.. and I'm not just talking about the wonderful people here that I know so well now, but even the ones I don't. I don't know how to explain it.. how to explain how I can literally love each and every person I pass in here, but I do. It's amazing.. I can only do this because God has shown me this kind of love.
My health. After my history of substance abuse, I feel so blessed that I am in such good health. God has had his hand on me.
My cousin Ryan. I never thought we'd talk again, but God has His way of taking care of things like that..
My friends. Wow I have some fantastic friends, and I'm making new ones all the time.. and they're all just so great. I love them all so much.
Those are the bigger things today.. but I could go on and on with this list.. I feel better even now.. after writing it.. I have so much gratitude..
Try it now.. write out a list, but write a long one.. put everything you can find on it. I promise, it'll brighten your day.
A no compromise lifestyle...
My hearts desire, deep down, is to live a no compromise lifestyle.. to give God my all. I've felt like that for a few years, though my actions had in the first year been slow to follow.. but as God is changing me inside and things begin to come a little bit faster, I ask myself.. what exactly do I mean by that? I must be clear with myself as I take the first steps in this journey.. and remember I will never "get there," as this journey never ends.. and thank God for that - the beauty is in the journey.
What a no comprimise lifestyle is NOT to me.. it's not being perfect, without sin. It is not to be set in a pattern, a habit, or... ewww I hate this word.. to be "religious." It is not to strive to follow the law. Finally, it's most definitely not an attempt to earn God's love or earn my salvation. These things cannot be earned, but we are given them.. it's all about love and Grace - on a BIG scale. SO big, we just can't wrap our mind around it.. at least I can't wrap my mind around it. Thank God I can't.. thank God I don't quite get it, that I don't quite understand it.. because if I did, well... God wouldn't be all that significant, would he?
Here is what a no compromise lifestyle is to me -
1. Believing God's word, the bible, is the ultimate standard of truth. My thoughts, opinions, and idea's really don't matter.. or at least never come before it. I don't have t0 always be comfortable with everything He tells me to do, I just need to submit, and trust Him.
2. Being intentional about reading the word (2 Timothy 2:15), about my prayer life (1 Thessalonians 5:17) , and about doing community with other Christ followers (Hebrews 10:25) - And when I say doing community, I don't necessarily mean ONLY gathering for service on the weekend. I believe I need to do live, to get involved, with other people that are walking down the path that I am.
3. To establish and put my heart into intentional relationships.. (Proverbs 27:17). I need to have friends whom I can grow with, walk towards God with, and can give me regular, loving criticizm.. who don't judge me but rather help me grow by helping me see the sin in me that I so frequently can't see.. and to embrace the criticizm so that I can grow, rather than let my pride anger from it.
4. Ridding myself of pre-meditated sin. When I catch myself in judgement of someone, or catch myself in gossip, for example.. these are things I can stop myself as I walk in these sins when I realize I'm committing them, and I believe as I get closer to God they will become less and less.. but when I say pre-meditated sin, I mean to plan on something I know isn't right. Weather it's planning on drinking a few beers on Friday night (I can't do that), going on a date with a girl who isn't a Christ follower (2 Corinthians 6:14). As I said, I will always sin, but for me to know ahead of time it's wrong, and to continue in it.. well, that's just much different - to me at least.
There's much more than this, but these are the primary things that come to mind right now.
As I look in Luke 9:59-62, I see Jesus said "Follow me." The man he was speaking to said "Lord, firs let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another man said, "I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
If I look at the last thing Jesus said that I spoke of here, it makes me realize if I truly want to follow Him, HE says, that I need to leave ALL of my selfish ambitions behind me. Weather that be for me to continue to compete in bodybuilding, for me to chase after a career with financial goals as my primary purpose, or for me, even to go watch movies which I just don't feel are in line with what God wants for me.. I need to leave behind things which have been important to me, things which are of no benefit in the purpose of expanding His Kingdom. As Greg Boyd said, if everything in my life doesn't fall under an over arching purpose of expanding the Kingdom of God - I am about those things and NOT about God (i.e. family, work, relationships, school, free time).
I know we've all been asked at some point what's most important to us in life. Here's the basic paradigm, and it doesn't work.
1. God
2. Family
3. Work
4. Friends
The reason that paradigm doesn't work is this... how many hours a week do we work? Typically, 40. Do we spend 40 hours with God? How about 40 hours with our family? I don't.. never have. It's not really possible. The point is this.. it should be..
God (in our families) God (in our workplace) God (in my friendships) God (in my school).
That paradigm works, and that's what I want.. that's what I'm striving for. With God's help, I pray I get in line with that.
And Corinthians 6:12 says "Everything is permissable, but not everything is beneficial." This verse is speaking about sexual immorality, but I still feel it holds true for just about everything else. I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial.. I need to line my life up, all of it, with things that are beneficial with bringing myself and others closer to the reality, love, and grace of Jesus.. ultimately resulting in complete surrender to Him.
Colossians 2:16 says "Just as you recieved Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, strengthened in the faith you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
If I'm thankful, I need to show it.. by doing this.. all of this.. each and every day of my life. This, to me is a no comprimise lifestyle.
The lyrics from a song where I meet with my family of Christ followers...
Holy Fire, burn away,
my desire, for anything,
that is not of you, and is of me,
I want more of you, and less of me...
yea...
- peace out
What a no comprimise lifestyle is NOT to me.. it's not being perfect, without sin. It is not to be set in a pattern, a habit, or... ewww I hate this word.. to be "religious." It is not to strive to follow the law. Finally, it's most definitely not an attempt to earn God's love or earn my salvation. These things cannot be earned, but we are given them.. it's all about love and Grace - on a BIG scale. SO big, we just can't wrap our mind around it.. at least I can't wrap my mind around it. Thank God I can't.. thank God I don't quite get it, that I don't quite understand it.. because if I did, well... God wouldn't be all that significant, would he?
Here is what a no compromise lifestyle is to me -
1. Believing God's word, the bible, is the ultimate standard of truth. My thoughts, opinions, and idea's really don't matter.. or at least never come before it. I don't have t0 always be comfortable with everything He tells me to do, I just need to submit, and trust Him.
2. Being intentional about reading the word (2 Timothy 2:15), about my prayer life (1 Thessalonians 5:17) , and about doing community with other Christ followers (Hebrews 10:25) - And when I say doing community, I don't necessarily mean ONLY gathering for service on the weekend. I believe I need to do live, to get involved, with other people that are walking down the path that I am.
3. To establish and put my heart into intentional relationships.. (Proverbs 27:17). I need to have friends whom I can grow with, walk towards God with, and can give me regular, loving criticizm.. who don't judge me but rather help me grow by helping me see the sin in me that I so frequently can't see.. and to embrace the criticizm so that I can grow, rather than let my pride anger from it.
4. Ridding myself of pre-meditated sin. When I catch myself in judgement of someone, or catch myself in gossip, for example.. these are things I can stop myself as I walk in these sins when I realize I'm committing them, and I believe as I get closer to God they will become less and less.. but when I say pre-meditated sin, I mean to plan on something I know isn't right. Weather it's planning on drinking a few beers on Friday night (I can't do that), going on a date with a girl who isn't a Christ follower (2 Corinthians 6:14). As I said, I will always sin, but for me to know ahead of time it's wrong, and to continue in it.. well, that's just much different - to me at least.
There's much more than this, but these are the primary things that come to mind right now.
As I look in Luke 9:59-62, I see Jesus said "Follow me." The man he was speaking to said "Lord, firs let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another man said, "I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
If I look at the last thing Jesus said that I spoke of here, it makes me realize if I truly want to follow Him, HE says, that I need to leave ALL of my selfish ambitions behind me. Weather that be for me to continue to compete in bodybuilding, for me to chase after a career with financial goals as my primary purpose, or for me, even to go watch movies which I just don't feel are in line with what God wants for me.. I need to leave behind things which have been important to me, things which are of no benefit in the purpose of expanding His Kingdom. As Greg Boyd said, if everything in my life doesn't fall under an over arching purpose of expanding the Kingdom of God - I am about those things and NOT about God (i.e. family, work, relationships, school, free time).
I know we've all been asked at some point what's most important to us in life. Here's the basic paradigm, and it doesn't work.
1. God
2. Family
3. Work
4. Friends
The reason that paradigm doesn't work is this... how many hours a week do we work? Typically, 40. Do we spend 40 hours with God? How about 40 hours with our family? I don't.. never have. It's not really possible. The point is this.. it should be..
God (in our families) God (in our workplace) God (in my friendships) God (in my school).
That paradigm works, and that's what I want.. that's what I'm striving for. With God's help, I pray I get in line with that.
And Corinthians 6:12 says "Everything is permissable, but not everything is beneficial." This verse is speaking about sexual immorality, but I still feel it holds true for just about everything else. I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial.. I need to line my life up, all of it, with things that are beneficial with bringing myself and others closer to the reality, love, and grace of Jesus.. ultimately resulting in complete surrender to Him.
Colossians 2:16 says "Just as you recieved Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, strengthened in the faith you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
If I'm thankful, I need to show it.. by doing this.. all of this.. each and every day of my life. This, to me is a no comprimise lifestyle.
The lyrics from a song where I meet with my family of Christ followers...
Holy Fire, burn away,
my desire, for anything,
that is not of you, and is of me,
I want more of you, and less of me...
yea...
- peace out
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Great prayer...
I'm not one to recite prayers, but this is a small part of something I read in the book I'm currently reading, Saint Augustine - Confessions.
"Grant my prayer, O Lord, and do not allow my soul to wilt under the discipline which you prescribe. Let me not tire of thanking you for your mercy in recusing me form all my wicked wyas, so that you may be sweeter to me than all the joys which used to tempt me; so that I may love you most intensely and clasp your hand with all the power of my devotion; so that you may save me from all temptation until the end of my days."
Beautiful.....
"Grant my prayer, O Lord, and do not allow my soul to wilt under the discipline which you prescribe. Let me not tire of thanking you for your mercy in recusing me form all my wicked wyas, so that you may be sweeter to me than all the joys which used to tempt me; so that I may love you most intensely and clasp your hand with all the power of my devotion; so that you may save me from all temptation until the end of my days."
Beautiful.....
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Saint Augustine?
Ok I just began reading a book by a man named Saint Augustine. If you want to know who he was, google him or something.. excellent read though.. here's a part I liked...
What, then, is the God I worship? He can be none but the Lord God himself, for who but the Lord is God? You, my God, are supreme, utmost in goodness, mightiest and all-powerful, most merciful and most just. You are the most hidden from us and yet the most present among us, the most beautiful and yet the most strong, ever enduring and yet we cannot comprehend you. You are unchangeable and yet you change all things. You are never new, never old, and yet all things have new life from you. you are the unseen power that brings decline upon the proud. You are ever active, yet always at rest. You gather all things to yourself, though you suffer no need. You support, you fill, and you protect all things. You create them, nourish them, and bring them to perfection. You seek to make them your own, though you lack for nothing. You love your creatures, but with a gentle love. You treasure them, but without apprehension. You grieve for wrong, but suffer no pain. You can be angry and yet serene. Your works are varied, but your purpose is one and the same. You welcome all who come to you, though you never lost them. You are never in need yet are glad to gain, never covetous yet you exact a return for your gifts. We give abundantly to you so that we may deserve a reward; yet which of us has anything that does not come from you? You repay us for what we deserve, and yet you owe nothing to any. You release us from our debts, but you lose nothing to any. You are my God, my Life, my holy Delight, but is this enough to say of you? Can any man say enough when he speaks of you? Yet woe betide those who are silent about you! For even those who are most gifted with speech cannot find words to describe you.
- Saint Augustine
What, then, is the God I worship? He can be none but the Lord God himself, for who but the Lord is God? You, my God, are supreme, utmost in goodness, mightiest and all-powerful, most merciful and most just. You are the most hidden from us and yet the most present among us, the most beautiful and yet the most strong, ever enduring and yet we cannot comprehend you. You are unchangeable and yet you change all things. You are never new, never old, and yet all things have new life from you. you are the unseen power that brings decline upon the proud. You are ever active, yet always at rest. You gather all things to yourself, though you suffer no need. You support, you fill, and you protect all things. You create them, nourish them, and bring them to perfection. You seek to make them your own, though you lack for nothing. You love your creatures, but with a gentle love. You treasure them, but without apprehension. You grieve for wrong, but suffer no pain. You can be angry and yet serene. Your works are varied, but your purpose is one and the same. You welcome all who come to you, though you never lost them. You are never in need yet are glad to gain, never covetous yet you exact a return for your gifts. We give abundantly to you so that we may deserve a reward; yet which of us has anything that does not come from you? You repay us for what we deserve, and yet you owe nothing to any. You release us from our debts, but you lose nothing to any. You are my God, my Life, my holy Delight, but is this enough to say of you? Can any man say enough when he speaks of you? Yet woe betide those who are silent about you! For even those who are most gifted with speech cannot find words to describe you.
- Saint Augustine
Yet another miracle... my cousin.
Well, it's been three weeks since the first entry so I'm not moving nearly as fast as I expected... I've had so many things that seemed very important to write about on here but I seemed to be waiting for the one big thing to start this blog off with. I've found it this week, and though it may not seem significant to you, it sure does me.
My cousin Ryan.. I love him so much. Through a series of events and circumstances, satan did his best at getting us to put a wall up between us.. and it worked. I honestly thought at one point in time I would never hear from my cousin again. Never say never.
I have prayed for my cousin since we spoke last, which was well over a year ago. I have prayed and prayed that God keep His hand on him, that God send people across his path to minister God's love to him, and I thanked God each time I prayed, in advance, for answering these prayers. God has answered these prayers..
My cousin contacted me this week, through an email. The biggest news is that my cousin is involved in a community of Christ followers, and from the sound of it, it's changing his life. He did not say this exactly, but I hear it in his voice and I just know from the way he talks, and from his email.
We will be getting together for the day on the 23rd of May. I am so excited to see him, and I thank God for bringing us back together.
If you are reading this Ryan, I love you.
Peace out.
My cousin Ryan.. I love him so much. Through a series of events and circumstances, satan did his best at getting us to put a wall up between us.. and it worked. I honestly thought at one point in time I would never hear from my cousin again. Never say never.
I have prayed for my cousin since we spoke last, which was well over a year ago. I have prayed and prayed that God keep His hand on him, that God send people across his path to minister God's love to him, and I thanked God each time I prayed, in advance, for answering these prayers. God has answered these prayers..
My cousin contacted me this week, through an email. The biggest news is that my cousin is involved in a community of Christ followers, and from the sound of it, it's changing his life. He did not say this exactly, but I hear it in his voice and I just know from the way he talks, and from his email.
We will be getting together for the day on the 23rd of May. I am so excited to see him, and I thank God for bringing us back together.
If you are reading this Ryan, I love you.
Peace out.
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