Fear...

I have begun to realize, as I sit here at 33... really, being no further head than when I was 23.. well actually, I have less than I did ten years ago -- I am afraid.. I live in fear to pursue greatness. I have great potential, I KNOW I do. I have great things ahead of me if I just go after them.. and hoenstly, it's not that much effort for me! Things come easy for me under the right circumstances. Regretfully, the right circumstances for me looks like this - a good woman by my side whom makes me want a better life and whom when I look at - I forget my fears.. but regretfully, that's not where I am now, nor should I depend on that.

I seem to live in fear of greatness, because my mother did. She was afraid of everything, and still is... and I just can't seem to get out from underneath that. When ever things start going well, I tend to sabotage them.. because maybe I feel I don't deserve the good things in life? I don't know.. can't figure this one out. Just something I've been thinking about.

I hate her for this. I really do.