I went to Vineyard Westside this evening to hear a dear friend give her first message. She was great, the church itself is great... one thing hit me right in the beginning which took me away for most of the service though.
The second song.. these words.. I've sang them a hundred times in my youth..
With all creation I sing,
Praise to the King of Kings,
You are my everything,
and I will, adore you
What does it mean for me to adore Jesus, my friend, my father, my creator, my savior.. what does that mean, what does that look like for me?
I really have no idea. That's the problem.
I just broke down tonight in tears as those words kept surging through my head.
My prayer life is lacking. I spend less and less time in the word lately. My community.. well.. the level at which I participate in community.. it sucks, really.
God has blessed me over and over, and it has been completely evident by many who have seen all that I've gone through or rather put myself through over the past few years that miracles do happen, and I've experienced more than a handful.
As I look at my day, past week, or two actually... here's what I see. I'm pissing all over my blessings. Plain and simple. I've got a problem that needs addressed... a sin problem, a riding the fence problem, a luke warm problem, a control problem...
If you're reading this and you don't like my terminology, please refer back to my first post. If you don't like it, don't read it. I don't care.
I'm pissing on my blessings.. I'm telling God through my actions that I just don't care as much as I say and act like I do. I'm good at talking the talk and to say that I half ass the walk would give my efforts too much credit.
Now don't get me wrong, I do believe in grace and forgiveness, and I embrace them.. but they don't provide an excuse for the way I live my life.
Something has to give, and I mean now.
God... I'm so sorry.
Things start fresh this moment... I'm forgiven.. let's try this again God... Pick me up, my legs aren't feeling too solid right now.. I'm a bit wobbly.. easily influenced... easily tempted..
Wow I feel like you're right here with me tonight.. and I need that.. We'll revert back to calling you Dad for tonight, because that's how I see you at the moment.
Dad... please, please turn my heart towards you this week. Convict me. Make me aware. Surround me with people who will walk the right way with me, or show me where they are so I can find them.. and find You in them...
I love you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Friday night mission work, Sunday evening men's group, just going to church to hear a message...Jason, if you read this, just know that these are all active ways of "participating". You are new on your journey. It's hard not to expect so much from God or to want more for your life, but you have to walk with Jesus, not ahead of Him.
I think you are adoring Him or you wouldn't be where you are at. Don't let the enemies lies interfere with that. Ask God to give you clarity between what is condemning you and what is convicting you.
Much love for you brother and I will always pray for you.
Post a Comment