Still a struggle..

and I just don't really know why. I'm totally comforted on one hand.. honestly, I get a lot of comfort knowing for a fact, without a doubt, that she's with God right now. That's so awesome. Maybe that's why I'm so moved... maybe it's not a struggle but everything always has been or I've made everything a struggle.. I'm flipping through songs on my iphone today and came across We Three Kings.. my eyes still tear up and my stomach turns in knots. One minute I picutre it all over in my head, seeing her fall -- but then I consider the fact that I really don't know anything.. I was so mad at God for not stopping it, but maybe He did. Maybe she didn't hit the ground. Maybe, just maybe, she started ascending before her body ever touched the floor. He could have done that. He already knew she wouuldn't make it through the night, and I can't believe He would have let her go through any pain.